Sexual Chocolate – A Wine Survival Kit For Valentine’s Day

What’s worse than being alone on Valentine’s Day? Still dating your ex who denies cheating on you with your best friend even though you caught them in the act! Some people are clearly delusional and should seek psychiatric help, or better yet, remain single! Just because you’re alone on Valentine’s Day, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it.

Here’s what you do: light several candles while you listen to Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” at high volume. You can do this while simultaneously cutting both of them out of every picture you ever took together and sticking pins in two look alike Voodoo dolls. Next, pick up one of the 5 wines above that are suited to your preference in chocolate and pour yourself a glass of pink or red vino. Then, go to your chocolate drawer and pull out your favorite chocolate. Don’t forget to also make a toast to the pairing of wine and chocolate tasting better than their bullsh#@! Finally, safely set fire to those pictures and anything else they left at your house! Don’t forget, you can always roast s’mores over the fire! Now, that’s what I call romantic!

The Wines:

1. 2007 Candlewood Cellars Zinfandel Evenus Port Bottled - This late harvest dessert wine from Paso Robles pairs excellently with dark chocolate due to its dark jam, chocolate and nutty notes.  It has enough weight to stand up to the fat content of the chocolate, in addition to the sugar and bitter tannins required to mimic the chocolate itself.  When thinking of picking up a bottle of Port, reach for this wine as a delicious alternative.

2. 2010 Gianni Gagliardo Villa M Rosso Brachetto d’Aqui - When many people think of pairing chocolate with wine, they always go for brut Champagne, which is actually horrible with chocolate.  There’s not enough fruitiness to stand up to the chocolate.  Instead, I urge them to pick up a bottle of this slightly sweet, semi-sparkling, refreshing red wine from Piedmont, Italy that goes hand in hand with milk chocolate.  You still get the bubbles, yet the wine has enough sugar and body weight to actually work with milk chocolate.  Plus, it reminds me of strawberries and rose petals, exactly what I think of on Valentine’s Day.

3. NV Henry Martin Shiraz Premium Cuvee Sparkling - This wine is for the adventurous! It’s also red and bubbly with a touch of sugar, full body and all the spicy notes one expects from Shiraz. The wine works for the same reasons Brachetto does, yet has a touch more complexity due to the grape variety that will make your chocolate pairing slightly more interesting.

4. 2010 SLOdown Wines Sexual Chocolate - Many of you also think red wine and chocolate go hand in hand. When the wine is full-bodied, fruit forward and full of flavor with a little residual sugar left in it like this red blend, you definitely have a delicious pairing. Plus, the name of this wine demands that you drink it alongside dark chocolate, preferably with a hot date!

5. Jean Baillette-Prudhomme Rosé de Saignee Champagne - Finally, there is a Champagne that pairs well with chocolate, rosé! This rosé is extremely fruity, although not necessarily sweet, due to it’s time spent in contact with the grape skins, approximately 4 days! This skin contact also lends bitter qualities that work well with dark chocolate. Now, this is the proper way to enjoy chocolate and Champagne!

*Other wines that will work with MILK chocolate are: Bual Madeira, Moscato d’Asti, Tawny Port and PX Sherry; DARK chocolate: Austrian Zweigelt, Asti, Banyuls (a personal favorite), Gewurztraminer, Malmsey Madeira, Muscat and Tawny Port, PX Sherry and Vin Santo.